Christmas time of struggles

You know sometimes life can really get you down. And sometimes it is when you least expect it. It can even when you are "suppose" to be happy, like this time of year. For some people the holiday season is not all glamorous and fun full of great memories. For some it is missing those that are no longer with us. Christmas and the holiday season can make that hole that we feel in our hearts and lives even bigger and more empty than usual. 

This year was the first year since my dad passed away that we broke out all the old ornaments and put up our actual tree. Last year we put up a little tree and bought some new ornaments for it but this year we out them both up. Putting up our actual tree brought up a lot of emotions and memories and brought up tears and laughter. Good tears, good memories, and laughing at some of the hand made ornaments from years past. As hard as it was to do I think it was actually really good for us as a family. 

Now looking at the tree and seeing the joy on my nieces and family members faces I know it was worth ripping off that band aid and bringing those memories to the surface again through each one of those ornaments, tears and more. I am glad we can share all those memories again even if they are hard ones to handle, or tears are shed. But what we all need to remember is that for years this has been a rough time of year for my family and I, and I know we are not alone there. Many people are struggling this time of year just to get through the holidays. So do not take it personal if someone isn't as joyful or upbeat as you are about the holidays. You never know what they are going through, or what may be making this time of the year even harder for them. Just remember those we have lost along the way and hold those tight that are still with us to make memories with.  

"Everybody hurts sometimes

Everybody hurts someday, aye aye
But everything gon' be alright
Go and raise a glass and say, aye

Here's to the ones that we got (oh oh)
Cheers to the wish you were here, but you're not
'Cause the drinks bring back all the memories
Of everything we've been through (no, no)
Toast to the ones here today (aye)
Toast to the ones that we lost on the way
'Cause the drinks bring back all the memories (aye)
And the memories bring back, memories bring back you"

Maroon 5 - Memories 

Sara

Have you heard of T.W.L.O.H.A. ?????

Have you ever heard of To Write Love On Her Arms (TWLOHA)? It is an organization I heard about when I was in college, freshman year to be exact! I started seeing more and more shirts that said TWLOHA, and I thought, "what the heck does that mean?" So i figured like I do everything else I would just google it and see what happend! Well I did and trusty google came through for me again (can always count on Google). I started reading what they were about and just was astounded by the story and background of how this organization came about let alone how popular it has become today! If you have yet to read the story of what TWLOHA is or how it came to be you can check it out here! While you are there check out what all they do and if you have a Twitter you can follow them on there as well!

After the college classes, professors, and finally graduation

After graduating from college i thought that things would just fall in to place with a job and everything else that life brings your way. Needless to say i was completely wrong. Having no job all summer seems like it would be full of fun but realizing that i am an adult and that i really need money to be an adult means that there is no fun. I think that the sad part is i am trying just as hard as anyone else to find a job and am having as much if not worse luck then those who do not have a college degree. It frustrates me to think that i just spent (well am in debt) so much money on this degree that is not getting me any where. So now all i can think is "was it really worth it?" I think of so many other things that i can do and would love to do and would be more then happy doing. So now i am stuck thinking what do i do. Do i keep going after what i went to school for or do i go a different road. I guess i really thought things would just fall in to place, but this is the complete opposite now i feel like i am back to where i was before i even went to college. I really thought things would be easier after graduation but boy was i wrong instead it seems i am back to square one.

Sara

Senior Year

Well it is my senior year of college and it's pretty crazy to think that I am going to be getting kicked out into the real world soon, well of course unless I go to grad school (which is most likely going to happen). So my roommate, and a few other friends and I made a senior year "bucket list". So we have this list hanging at our place hoping to get to do all this stuff before we graduate and leave the college life behind us. We make this list and it makes me think its because of the things we want to do before our life as a college student dies. I find it so interesting that we think of our life as different parts, first is prior to school then you know elementary, Jr. high, and of course high school "the best 4 years of your life" (also very false as far as I am concerned). Then there is college life. Why are we saying there are different lives in our 1 life. We only have 1 life to live that's it, and all this other stuff is part of that 1 life. why do we think that because we are not going to be in college anymore that we cant do those things that are on that list. Yes things change they always change. We wont all live on a campus, and maybe even close by, and yes even friends change as much as we want to think they don't. Life isn't over after college, in someways life is just beginning.

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending."

Summer, Life, and ugh

well it has been a long while and since the last time it is summer vacation, another year here and gone, little brother is 16, went to his first prom, and i have had a few revelations....

first a friend told me about this video....please watch it is so touching it really hit me! i know i find myself asking this/ these questions a lot. Where is God when all kinds of bad stuff happens in my life?! i have had plenty of pain in my life, and yes it has made me who i am today, but would i have really wanted to go through all that? heck no, but its in the past. i need to remember God is ALWAYS with us.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vym5YXPaD5s

another revelation....well its a very personal one. i need to love me! yea i might be OK with me, if that...but i rely on other people to like me so i don't have to. That's not good i cant do that. I know i have tried to do this before, but i know if i don't do this, that other people can't truly love me.

ANYWAY...there is a lot on my mind lately especially like trying to find a job, and getting a loan for summer courses....ugh life! sorry not much to write lately, maybe i will be more in the mood to write later this week.

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How long have we known each other?

I find it amazing to have friends that I have known for years, that really don't know me and other friends who i have only known for a few weeks or a few years know everything about me basically. To have those friends that you feel like you have known forever and be able to run to with any problem you are having is amazing. I don't know what I would do without my best friends who know me so well and actually care about me and want me to be happy. The few that I can call at 4 A.M. balling my eyes out and I know they will be there to listen and not get mad or something. What would we do without these people in our lives? For me I know for a FACT that I would not be alive. These few friends that I have, have been there and saved my life more then they could ever know. I am so thankful for these blessed people in my life and all I can hope is that I can touch their lives as much as they do mine. When you can talk on the phone for hours and it feels like it's only been a few minutes is awesome. When you can sit in silence for 10 minutes and be OK with that just knowing that the other person is there. Today i am giving thanks for the few AMAZING friends I have that i have just told you about. It's such a great feeling to know that at least one person will always be there for me no matter when or whats going on. I know he will drop whatever he is doing to be there for me and I don't know what I would do without him, even though I have only known him for a few weeks, he knows more about me then anyone else. he understands, cares, and loves me for me, and that's all I could ever ask for. So thank you for being my friend!!!

You Find Out Who Your Friends Are by. Tracy Lawrence

You find out who your friends are
Somebody's gonna drop everything
Run out and crank up their car
Hit the gas, get there fast
Never stop to think 'what's in it for me?' or 'it's way too far'
They just show on up with their big old heart
You find out who your friends are

Everybody wants to slap your back
wants to shake your hand
when you're up on top of that mountain
But let one of those rocks give way then you slide back down look up
and see who's around then

This ain't where the road comes to an end
This ain't where the bandwagon stops
This is just one of those times when
A lot of folks jump off

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A Class on DEATH...

A Class on DEATH…

Taking this class, Death, Grief, and Caring, for J-Term I thought would really get to me, and WOW was I right. This class has made me remember all the people I have lost, but not only that, but how much I want to change myself and become a better person. I realize how we take for granite our tomorrows, and just assume the morning will come. I want to live more day by day and not take for people and time for granite. I want to learn to tell people how I feel and not leave things for tomorrow. I want to live with no regrets, and live like I am dieing, like today could always be my last day.
Another thing that this class has really made me think about is how I treat and/or judge other people. I realize that I judge other people when I have no clue what is going on in their lives. Thinking about this has made me want to change that too, because that person could be hurting and I’m just sitting around judging them. I always see people sitting alone, and I never go up and just say hi, or smile at them. How do I know that, that person isn’t contemplating suicide, and maybe I save their life by saying hi? I completely believe this can happen because I experienced it my freshmen year of college.
Strangers can make the difference sometimes and save lives. If it wasn’t for a stranger one winter night my freshmen year I would not be here typing this now. God sends all kinds of people in to our lives for reasons we may not know. All I know is that I want to be one of those people; I want to open my heart and start being more like God wants me to be. I want to care more and stop taking this life for granite. I want to live like I am dieing and not look back. I want to live each day to the fullest and leave nothing unsaid.

Tim McGraw- Live Like You Were Dieing

He said I was in my early forties
with a lot of life before me
when a moment came that stopped me on a dime
and I spent most of the next days
looking at the x-rays
Talking bout the options
and talking bout sweet time
I asked him when it sank in
that this might really be the real end
how’s it hit you when you get that kinda news
man what’d you do

and he said
I went sky diving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named fumanchu
and I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
and I gave forgiveness I’d been denying
and he said someday I hope you get the chance
to live like you were dying.

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